Missing time.

I decided to blog on my phone as well, as the things I want to say dissappear.

One thing lately, is that time dissappear. I don’t know where it goes. Also someone will tell me something or my family is talking, it is as if the first part of the sentence dissappear. I continually have to ask to start from the beginning again.

The other thing is, it feels sometimes if there is someone else in me… No I don’t have that multiple personality thingy. Sometimes it feels as if I expect too much from my family to handle this vascular dementia. It feels as if I just want to curl up inside of me and die, so that none of us have to go through a prolonged suffering on both sides. (no I’m not suicidal)

Thing is, it is not that we expect everyone to be at our back and call. It is the disease that causes an inability and even not knowing about stuff.

We will always love our families and caregivers, we will always be grateful. Sometimes it might not be evident, but it is there on the inside of us. We lose our abilities, not ourselves.

My family I know will always love me and take care of me and whatever I can do for them, I will. I have read posts of caregivers that said how they hate those they take care of and wish they die… That is horrible, but I believe those caregivers were rotten even before. It is fine to vent and my eldest daughter also blog to vent, it is heart breaking, but I’m glad to be able to know how she feels and she is never nasty.

If a way can be found how caregiver and LO can work together all will be well I believe. There are cases I read about where the LO becomes a danger, but they can be taken care of… Don’t know about that stuff. There are many videos to be watched, for instance from Teepa Snow and Jennifer Bute and Dementia Mentors etc.

Got to go, much love and kindness.

Saro (Elmarie)

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