Thinking and troubles…

Hi there! Hope you have a lovely day. Mine is spend thinking. Hmmm the moment I say that I’m thinking lately gets me in trouble…

But let me go on thinking. Listening to Joel Osteen etc about this wonderful future awaiting you… does it still apply to me? I do believe God has the most wonderful plans for my life, but at this second I know how my end is going to be. I’m unable to work anymore, although I still go in to work every day. It’s my business, but my two wonderful daughters is taking the brunt of the work, leaving just a bit for me that I can still manage. I messed up trying to organize things twice this week and I was in serious trouble from the Love bird, Bunnies, kids and husband. I can not organize or plan things anymore at all. Cannot remember the details anymore, but whatever… I can not do that anymore.

I have been so upset yesterday, I took out some stew to defrost and cook in the pressure cooker with some nice veggies and rise. No!… said my husband, he does not want to eat three hours later, just take out a chop. Leave the eggs, it does not smell nice, don’t want potatoes, he will just eat bread later. So we each had a rasher and there I was… just couldn’t think what to do next. I cannot handle his aggression or frustration or anybody else’s. I don’t know what to do, he is entitled to venting or frustration or whatever same as everybody else and that includes me. I went hungry for the rest of the day, because I simply and still cannot think of what to do. My sweet Nita came home baked her father his favorite chocolate desert…. old man appeased and mother fed. She did not say a thing, just carried on as if nothing is wrong.

I wanted to talk about virtual friends on the internet and things like that, but I suppose I had to get this out of my system. It is terrible having dementia in whatever form. It breaks your heart and worst is when you still are aware sometimes of what went wrong. Blissful when I don’t know what I missed.

But… here is the BUT! It is also an opportunity to do new things. Mostly things you like. You can have a life with dementia, whatever form, until that time… you know … that time? We can still have many meaningful years. With loving caregivers or family, it can be okay. Just get up and do something.

Well I have not yet tied myself to a rocket and flew to the moon, but I started writing, something I always wanted to do. I found friends with the same disease than me and believe me… we are not crying or moaning all the time, we can be really funny and goof off. I already have two speaking engagements for Mental Health days. I made a video for Dementia Mentors… hiiiyaaa!!! I just don’t know how to get it on here. https://vimeo.com/362831539?fbclid=IwAR2N4X57SwyYrvQgirf-EuK3uEqpnTrNjVoho7ceFTaPTP2AzWxs2PJwwto

I hope that thing or link or whatever takes it to my video… Anyways, let me go and convince my youngest that it is very important for my general health to have some pancakes with sugar and cinnamon before bedtime.

Much love and kindness

Saro

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