Dementia conversations.

Hi there 🙂

Today feels like I’m losing petal after petal of my mind flower. Got up not feeling so great. Why don’t you feel great or okay or what is wrong, would someone ask… I simply cannot really tell you. One thing however that got me crying again was the fact that I am having difficulty making conversation. Someone that talks to me just every now and then might think I’m not doing to bad. But to find the right words, following a conversation is difficult for me. Even understanding some things people say is becoming difficult. As long as they keep it simple, it is still okay.

This morning I was trying to have a conversation on Line app with a friend from Dawn of Titans, Falco. (Dawn of Titans is an online game that I’m playing) I knew what I wanted to do, but messed it up so bad. Even send her a voice message just after waking up with my voice still groggy. I just want to help her with her alliance, but I cannot do that anymore. She was so sweet. Told me it is okay, she will just read the idea and the emotion. If she needs something explained, she will ask. I just had a telephone conversation with a friend of mine and I think I did not to bad 🙂

My youngest will send me a screenshot of her study material and another one of what she wrote as an answer to a question, just to check if she did not commit plagiarism. I cannot do that anymore. By the time that I got to the piece she wrote, I can not remember what the other thing said. She phoned again and asked me to look up something in one of her psychology books… the going from one page to another or down the index is difficult, as I continuously have to go back to the question. When I read it, it is interesting, but does not really makes sense. I don’t know if that sounds right… expressing what is happening, is difficult. My concentration and focus is zip. I find that I am very impulsive as well and that also is where the problem is.

I used to be so sharp etc. My sweet sister in law Marieta always said I’m so clever and have a brilliant mind. Still knowing what I’m losing makes me sad.

Something I must try to remember, is to try not to be harsh on myself. There is no way that I can help it that these things happen. But how do you accept these things? Is it possible to get used to it? Or as I understand a time will come where I will not know these things is going wrong. In Dementia Mentors Virtual Cafe I have met many friends now that has been living with these Dementia things for many years and they are still functional, however limited and assisted. They still give talks to tell people from the person with dementia self. Not seminars about dementia etc, but from us that lives with it. There are many ways dementia can be told. From an academic and research view, Neurologists and doctors, from caretakers and then from the person living with the dementia. I have vascular dementia and there are other forms too, but it looks to me that no two persons are the same or affected the same. Some symptoms are sort of standard or something like that, but living with dementia everyone finds things different.

I am going to say goodbye for now, I’m getting myself confused now. Have a lovely day.

Much love and kindness.

Saro

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