About considerable

Hi there 🙂

Now what about considerable can one write about? I keep on going back to my previous blogs and try to fix spelling and whatever and noted that I keep on saying my cognitive impairment is considerable. With my last visit to the psychiatrist, she asked about my bipolar, I told her I have the worst kind. She answered that there is no such thing as the worst kind, there is only bipolar disorder.

Now reality for me is how I experience the considerable and worst kind. Every person is different. Experience things differently. See things differently. You get the big strong men and woman that recons that two broken legs and a broken arm is nothing…. my ass! There is something like honesty.

For me considerable is the knowledge what I was able to do and are not able to do anymore. Getting up in the morning, crying and refusing to go anywhere like a child is terrible. Dementia is not doing it’s part here, I’m suppose to forget that I did that. Well let me cash in on a good day. Haven’t started crying yet… It really is a good day!

I do not know anyone with dementia, so I can not compare.I don’t want to compare to be honest, it will scare the living daylights out of me I’m sure. Going through a day where everything is a hazy confusion is scaring the wax out of me. I noticed some stuff on my online game that I’m playing and wondered where it came from… Mum it was a give away from the developers.(My daughter reminding me. I must tell you stories about my online game, it’s fun)  I have no recollection of it whatsoever. That scares me.

Considerable and worst kind (I must still work up some courage to write about the bipolar) means for me that something big has been taken away from me. My memory is diminished, like a black hole here and there. My thinking process really suck and reasoning literally flew out the window. I am not in control anymore. Fear of the  unknown eats at me bones (did that sound like an accent or something like that? lol)

I am scared and there the water comes out of my eyes again. Must go now, it’s time for meds and bed again. Thank you for listening to me. I do appreciate it very much.

Much love and kindness

Saro