Three years ago absolute darkness enveloped me. It felt like I could not see in this darkness, could not see any further future. Curled up in my corner and just felt that I’m going and want to die. I felt so alone. I couldn’t speak to anyone, because up to 2 years ago I had no idea what is wrong with me. I withdrew from the community and all the things I used to partake in etc. I cried nonstop for 2 years. First for a year because I knew something was wrong and unable to put it into speech then I felt relieved after my diagnosis to find out what was wrong with me, two years ago and then I mourned what happened to me.
I felt so out of control. When I tried to read the bible or pray, all I could do was cry and cry and cry.
Then I found this:
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop[e];
with my God I scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect:
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
Psalm 18: 28 – 30
I still cry, but it is a symptom of the vascular dementia and not all the time. Jesus is my Prince of Peace, the Love of my life, the Light in my darkness. I could get up, given some days is still dark and very difficult, but are much less now. God is alive