Getting stuff in order

Warning: Contents might be upsetting.

Hi there

Haven’t written in a while (getting to be a boring intro..), but I find my concentration to be shorter than that of a hamster and I get so easily distracted, it’s not even funny.

Before I get distracted again. This is still about getting stuff in order, because at some stage I will not be of sound mind anymore or whatever happens with vascular dementia. Fact is I’m going to die……. BUT ON ALL THE OTHER DAYS I’M GONNA LIVE. (Snoopy and his chum Charlie came up with that I think, but I’m going for that “all the other days” ) watch how I get distracted…. I want to do fun things, already tried one thing. My husband bought us a new mattress and I wanted to jump on it, he refused me immediately… just sitting on it and hopping, I tried to make it a bit less upsetting for him, being strict with his woman and such things. He still refused. (I waited till he left the bedroom, mattresses don’t talk… lol)

Okay, here goes. First of all I could not decide who to give power of attorney, not wanting to step on anyone’s toes of feelings, then Lora my eldest stepped up and informed me that she will take the job. Don’t know if they held a meeting or something, but made it easier for me. Then she got me in the car and got me to make an appointment with our dear local attorney Gerhard Mattheus. The living will went down a bit more difficult. I got an example from his office and it scared the living daylights out of me. Remember now here, that I don’t want to take my own life. The bipolar is just a nonsense that is being controlled by medication and family.

The living will is for if by some way or another me and my family can be spared me to be in a vegetative state as I see it. No resuscitation or machines and such, is my wish. I also thought it to be cruel to doctors, but it is my life and my decision. A decision not made lightly. My family’s first reaction to the living will idea was that I want them to kill me. By no means, it is only for when I’m going to die from something else or another, I don’t want to be resuscitated or kept alive by all means. The end of dementia is way more upsetting and scary for me than anything else. I know this must be upsetting, but life is not fair and facts are facts. Well both documents are now in place and I have peace now.

Just one more thing to be done… Give forms in booking places for me and hubby for one day in the far far future at our local Old Age Home. We know everyone there and will be happy and be cared for. I put all our documents in a file, just need to update the funeral policy details and all is finished and we can get on with our lives. Mind you trying to fix the policy over the phone was quite a nonsense. The female were incredibly rude and my husband is deaf and have no idea what email addresses are and all such foreign stuff from Marsh. I’m 56 and he is 65, I think that should explain a few things.

Well, I think I’m going to say bye for now. So lots of love and kindness

Saro (Elmarie)

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Communication and dementia

Warning: Content might be upsetting. I have started writing this when I was very depressed, but decided to post it anyway. I feel much better now. I also discovered that the pharmacy accidentally dispensed one tablet 200mg instead of 50mg as said on the box which is the correct dosage and I got 10 days behind on my hormone sticker plus my current emotional state. I hold no one accountable but myself. But I post this, if it can help someone. Always ensure that someone check your medication, even if you feel you are still able to take it on your own. Ok and here goes…..

Hi there. I think I mentioned somewhere that my friends got their affairs in order, while everything is still sort of ok. Well I thought I didn’t know how or what, but it finally came to me what I want to get in place.

Now talking about this in my house, did and still is not going down well. One thing I know for a fact is that my family will take care of me for ever, because they love me so much and me them.

Now, it isn’t just me that goes through stages and emotions about this dementia thing, they too mourn and at the moment are really angry and of cause scared. I really want to encourage them to get it out.

Another thing, I want to get through my shit as well.

Was on a zoom webinar last night with Teepa Snow… wow, she is awesome. She said to me something that makes so much sense. I want to talk about my death and stuff and all it does is freak my family out. She said she will see if she can organize something for me and my family…. God bless the internet. It is not that I just want to do these things, I have always organized things. I’m trying to do the mom thing, putting affairs in order, so that they will not have trouble along the road.

I know that it is bad for my family as well and that they suffer too and the same for me as well. I’m so depressed don’t know what do. The bipolar most probably plays his role as well.

I am just at the moment really at a very bad place. I’m crying my eyes out. All I want to do is die and get it over and done with. There are actually a few things I can do to accomplish this. Being depressed and making plans is never a good thing, believe me.

My family are so supportive and then there is dear Creeky, my very special friend from Corpus Christy, Texas, USA. and my other friends for Dementia Mentors. Always having my back, praying, sending messages and just loving me as I do love them.

I have to go now sorry, but will be back.

Much love and kindness

Saro (Elmarie)

PS: Just a reminder, I don’t edit my articles, as I cannot really see my mistakes and I want my blogging from the heart and authentic.