Tag: bipolar low

About suicide.

I have been thinking about suicide a lot. Some people reckon people that say they want to commit suicide or try, are just attention seekers or even worse cowards. That is not true. Anyone of that opinion has never been in that person’s shoes, circumstances or had a chemical something going wrong in the brain. Have never heard of bipolar.

When you are depressed, you just simply see no future or way out of some situation. That is the one type of depression and it very often end in a successful suicide.

Then the bipolar or chemical problem in your brain… it is like a darkness pushing over your brain. You cannot think of anything else but to be dead. You make plans. Do research on how to commit a successful suicide. You become obsessed with it.

You cannot talk about it, because suicide or your depressed chatter, just isn’t popular and no one wants to listen or gets uneasy  during any conversation about it. 

THING IS THIS. IF YOU COMMIT SUICIDE,  YOU LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH LIFELONG GRIEVE, FEELING GUILTY, NOT THAT IT WILL BE THEIR FAULT. YOU MIGHT GET YOUR WISH AND DIE, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SORROW OF THOSE THAT LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU, YOU LEAVE BEHIND? GO AND SEE A DOCTOR,  TAKE YOUR MEDICATION. GET HELP IF YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.  IF YOU TAKE MEDICATION, PLEASE DON’T STOP TAKING IT. 

As I said, this is a difficult thing to talk about. I do apologize to those I might have traumatized or made uneasy about me talking about suicide.

Here is help, please make use of it. https://www.therapyroute.com/article/suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-in-south-africa

I just had a heart to heart chat with you and me. Please you matter and are precious.

Communication and dementia

Warning: Content might be upsetting. I have started writing this when I was very depressed, but decided to post it anyway. I feel much better now. I also discovered that the pharmacy accidentally dispensed one tablet 200mg instead of 50mg as said on the box which is the correct dosage and I got 10 days behind on my hormone sticker plus my current emotional state. I hold no one accountable but myself. But I post this, if it can help someone. Always ensure that someone check your medication, even if you feel you are still able to take it on your own. Ok and here goes…..

Hi there. I think I mentioned somewhere that my friends got their affairs in order, while everything is still sort of ok. Well I thought I didn’t know how or what, but it finally came to me what I want to get in place.

Now talking about this in my house, did and still is not going down well. One thing I know for a fact is that my family will take care of me for ever, because they love me so much and me them.

Now, it isn’t just me that goes through stages and emotions about this dementia thing, they too mourn and at the moment are really angry and of cause scared. I really want to encourage them to get it out.

Another thing, I want to get through my shit as well.

Was on a zoom webinar last night with Teepa Snow… wow, she is awesome. She said to me something that makes so much sense. I want to talk about my death and stuff and all it does is freak my family out. She said she will see if she can organize something for me and my family…. God bless the internet. It is not that I just want to do these things, I have always organized things. I’m trying to do the mom thing, putting affairs in order, so that they will not have trouble along the road.

I know that it is bad for my family as well and that they suffer too and the same for me as well. I’m so depressed don’t know what do. The bipolar most probably plays his role as well.

I am just at the moment really at a very bad place. I’m crying my eyes out. All I want to do is die and get it over and done with. There are actually a few things I can do to accomplish this. Being depressed and making plans is never a good thing, believe me.

My family are so supportive and then there is dear Creeky, my very special friend from Corpus Christy, Texas, USA. and my other friends for Dementia Mentors. Always having my back, praying, sending messages and just loving me as I do love them.

I have to go now sorry, but will be back.

Much love and kindness

Saro (Elmarie)

PS: Just a reminder, I don’t edit my articles, as I cannot really see my mistakes and I want my blogging from the heart and authentic.